Figured Brown

Being Pregnant Doesn’t Mean You Have To Be Frumpy

It’s still the case that humans want to keep propagating the species, thank goodness. But what humans — especially the women who have done all the work to get the species propagated — quickly find out is that pregnancy can turn a beautifully clothed female into a frump if she’s not careful. Being pregnant doesn’t mean you have to be frumpy, though, because high style is still possible, fortunately.

Consider maternity wear and what it used to mean when a woman was ‘sentenced’ to wearing it. One-week, she’s in Christian Dior and the next she’s busily pawing through potato sacks and ashcloth, that’s how bad clothing for women who are pregnant once was. Nowadays, it’s very possible to sport top designer names while carrying a future Nobel prize winner around, though.

Women and pregnancy have a long history with each other. Some may say that it’s far longer than just about anything else related to humans, especially when it comes to the affection a woman loses for the man who got her that way at one point or another during the pregnancy. So it’s up to guys to help support those women or they’re in danger of imminent doom when the hormones start rumbling.

It is highly advisable that the man who was graced with the consent of a woman to carry their child take her out on a serious shopping spree, if only to express undying gratitude that she lowered herself enough to become a mother to guys like us. If not, prepare to be hit over the head with a very large television remote control 6 or 7 million times.

Help her shop for that pair of leather brown boots she’s always wanted. Go to work, earn some money, save it up (what a novel concept) and then accompany her to the three dozen shoe stores she’s going to need to visit to find those boots. It’ll be a very reasonable price, considering that she’s now decided that she’s willing to become twice her size all on a man’s behalf.

And after those nice boots have been located, tried on, tried on again and tried on yet again on into infinity, slink out and look for a nice matching accessory, like a very Bohemian-style leather watch band to complement those very expensive boots. It can be a quick way out of the doghouse that she built because of the fact that her pregnancy doomed her to ugly pregnancy clothing on some occasions, right?

There’s really nothing to helping a woman understand that being pregnant doesn’t mean that being a frump is just around the corner. Tell her she’s beautiful, wise, Goddess-like — even after her pregnancy has caused her to swell up like a puffer fish — and, above all else, be ready to spend a little money to help her find a few things to keep her from being frumpy.

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